Welcome 2014

     I haven't done anything with this blog since I created it. I don't think I really knew what to say or how to say it. 2013 was an interesting year for me. It had its ups and its down. The biggest obstacle I had to overcome this year was getting used to only seeing my kids every other weekend. It takes a big toll on you..... hearing those little footsteps down the hall everyday to only hearing them every other weekend. Its very heart wrenching. It took a lot of alcohol and a lot of anti depressants.  The babies are growing so fast. I feel like I am missing so much. Ethan is 7, Preston will be 5 in a couple weeks, and Aiden Leigh will be 3 in July. Its feels like yesterday that I was in the hospital with Aiden. Now she is all grown up. She has the most beautiful flowing curly hair. Its depressing to think of what I am missing. But I know they are in good hands. Their daddy would never let anything happen to them. He has moved on in his life... he has found someone that is good for him. And she is good to my babies. And that's really all I can ask for. I know they are taken care of. As long as they don't forget mama. I wish I could change the way my schedule works. I would love to get them more often than I do. I feel like I am slowly disappearing out of their lives. I don't know how to make that feeling stop. I don't know that it ever will.
    The upside to this year. I couldn't have for a better man to be my rock. He has held me together through all the good and bad this year. I don't know where I would be if it wasn't for him. I love him so very much. I don't think he truly understands just how much. But he will one day.  I feel like we have grown so much this year. We are comfortable. And I hate that word. I think what I love the most is that he includes me in his decisions. There isn't anything he chooses to do without talking to me first. And that amazes me! I love being included in that. That just tells me he wants me to be a part of his life. Even if I can't provide him with his own kids. 
    And yes I think about that everyday. That one day he will wake up ready for kids of his own and leave. Yes, I think about it constantly. I wouldn't blame him at all if he left. That is something I can't provide him. And never will. But I can't live my life waiting for that day to come. I just have to live day to day and only hope for the best. 
    So I anticipate what 2014 will bring. A new year. A new start. Bring it!

Always!